Thoughts on Negativity.

I think that it is really easy to get stuck wishing that you could go back to a specific time. I know that I am certainly guilty of this. I often wish that I could go back to high school when life was easy. I was surrounded by friends I had known forever, school was a piece of cake, I was always around my family and I had my horses nearby. What more could I want? This longing and nostalgia is perpetuated by my tough adjustment to college where times aren't nearly as easy and carefree and I am not as happy. However, I have come to realize that filling your mind with negativity and longing for the past takes away from the present.

In my opinion, people get stuck wishing this or wishing that and they dont take a moment to think of the greatness in their life. For me, I completely take for granted that I am at one of the top Universities in the country. I have an amazing family, I have had great opportunities and I have led a privileged life that I am incredibly grateful for. But I occasionally get in a "woe is me" mindset that isn't fair to myself or those in my life. I don't like this. I want to be the happy individual that I always have been, where I am appreciative for all the good in my life.

What bothers me the most though is the fact that as I sit there complaining, life is happening. It races by picking up the lucky folk who are wise enough to hop on board and take life by storm. It brings new opportunity and people. It brings more thoughts and experiences. Most importantly though, it brings challenges. Challenges that help us grow as individuals. And isn't that the goal? To better ourselves and become the greatest person that we can? You see if I spend all my time wishing for the past and detesting the challenges that present themselves, what good am I doing myself? Each obstacle that I overcome will benefit me later on. So this is my new outlook on life: I will face any issue that I may have and find a benefit from it. I will remain positive and constantly work towards something. I will not hide or be scared of what is presented. Most importantly though, I will not resent any situation that I find myself in.

So come at me world! I am ready to take on whatever you may serve because I want to be strong. I want to grow. I want to be proud of myself and I want that happiness that comes along with defeating any monsters that may step in my path.

Thoughts on College.

The acceptance letter to college, the one that makes apathy a central theme to the end of your high school days, brings about much more than a flimsy piece of paper should. It provides an entire alteration to your life. From the point of opening your acceptance letter on, variation in your life is inevitable. Home, lifestyle, friends, attitude and experiences are all subject to change. This is paramount to the earth shattering revelation that nothing is permanent. That sure is a lot for an eighteen year old to take in. 

The initial months of college are incredible. There is the exciting blur of people, classes and parties that leave you in a sort of daze as the whirlwind adventure that is college commences. Life is amazing. You learn so much in class (if you go, that is) and about yourself. People are eager to make new friends and there is a frenzied scramble to find those that you wouldn't mind spending extensive amounts of time with, whether that be in a party setting or not. Parties. Shoot, parties are fun. Girls go out searching for a good time, looking their damn sexiest of course, while guys have a lot to look at and a lot to drink. Not a bad combination, eh? The parties are a haze of lights, drinks, guys, drugs, drinking games, dancing- if grinding can really be considered dancing- and, sure as hell, drunkenness. Hormones run rampant and there is the shameless PDA (or private if you're so inclined) where names of your hookup are of very little importance. People feel as though they can do anything, including break the law, without repercussion. It is the most bizarre and incredible feeling of invincibility that is unique to no one. 

Then you wake up, most likely hungover, and realize that you have shifted to a muddled existence that harbors little excitement. You begin to resent your classes as midterm season approaches; you begin to see past the people who you had met and created friendships with; parties don't have the same appeal as they used to and you're left with this emptiness and downright exhaustion. What happened to the enthusiams that you once had? The constant surprise and fun around every corner that was so endearing about college? There is then the realization that you just want to go home. You start to think of your dog, cat, mom, dad, siblings, whatever, and are filled with a longing that can only be described as homesickness. The days start to seem longer, the food even less tolerable and the classes, whether for lack of motivation or just the subject material, one hell of a lot harder. 

Then, you're done. you get to go home for that glimpse of the life that you used to have. It seems like a dream. Home-cooked food, your parents catering to you, the old friends, the little things that you always took for granted surround you and envelop you in this cloud of pure bliss. You can finally take a breath and soak in what you have missed for so long. But then there is the awkwardness of not being able to express how college really is to your parents and friends. When asked how it is, there is the obligatory answer of "Oh, it's great! I absolutely love it!" or "I am just having the best time!" that oozes fakeness but is so much easier than explaining to someone that college isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Luckily, no one questions you because there is the social construct that college is "the best four years of your life." If that's really the case, I'm going to have a pretty shitty life. 

That's not to say that college is not useful or beneficial. In many ways, college has helped me grow as a person more than the eighteen years of living at home ever did. It is incredible how easily college allows an individual to become more accepting and accommodating. I have had an unbelievable amount of opportunity as well that I never would have encountered if I had stayed in Waxhaw. However, I think the greatest value of college, other than the obvious answer of education, is the power that it has to help someone realize what they are truly passionate about. Whether one finds that through the classroom, volunteer opportunities or the concept of "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone," you find it. And finding your passion is worth every single bit of drudgery that may come along with the college experience.